I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize