I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
