I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
