What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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