Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
