"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
