i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
