How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
