Cold hands, warm shart.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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