Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
