Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
