Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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