i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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