My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
