When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
