I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
