Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
