1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
