I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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