I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
