i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
