And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
