youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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