Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
