At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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