You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
