Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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