i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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