I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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