God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
