shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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