bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
