Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
do herpes really smell.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
