You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
