He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
