i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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