it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
