i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
