in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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