At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
