"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
