very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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