just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
