The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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