can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
