Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
love makes seman taste better
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
