She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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