Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
