Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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