just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
