I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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