I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
