I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize