apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
