He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
