im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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