I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
