i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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