He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
