when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
