so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
