The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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