I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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