theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
