my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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