It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
