Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
