Porn is love you can see.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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