drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
