listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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