you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
