I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dicks are not precious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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