Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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