If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize