Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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