Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well you can't waste a boner
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
God, I missed his penis.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
