I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize