While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
