it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
