ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
