of course. lets lasso hookers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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