u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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