Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
