is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
