Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
