He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Let's paint friendship bongs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize