I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize