For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
