i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
