I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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