honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
