I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
