When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
