DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
